MEDITATION : A MEANS TO A BEGINNING
My interest in meditation came about primarily from a need to find some silence and balance to life. The rate at which we assimilate new information never seems to be proportional to the amount of time we allow ourselves to process it all. At times, we even find our waking experiences seeping very realistically into our dreams. Our subconscious tries to make sense of it before our conscious minds go on another rampage of gathering more information by the next morning.
My mind could often be compared to the safari window on my laptop - cluttered with multiple tabs open at all times - information thrown around all over the place. I switch from one tab to another, getting lost at times, wondering where a particular tab went. Secretly I’m always tempted to just close them all and start from scratch- de clutter the system so I can be just a little more organised. Thats how my mind felt every now and then - cluttered and dis-organised, full of choas. Many things being inputted each day, things from my parts of my life but not enough time to process and paint a healthy picture of how they all can come together.
I thought to myself, there are all these different aspects to life - theres my work and career life, theres my personal life, theres my spiritual & existential life- all these fragmented tabs that are parts of what I understand as my life. Conditioning has led me to look at them as different parts that exist separately, which is why I tend to prioritise one over the other. But in reality, they are a whole and all part of just one life - my life. There is no one fragment that has a bigger stake here. The quest lies within my ability to understand and create a balance. To bring all these fragmented parts together as one whole experience - that is what I came to ponder upon.
This led me to another complex thought - what are the consequences of living this fragmented perception within? Does this conditioning affect my perception of the world outside? If I am so divided on the inside, is it not likely that I am using the same logic to divide my perception of the outside? Have I divided the world into what I agree with and what I don’t ; what I aspire for what I don’t; what I believe in and what I don’t; who I admire and who I don’t; who I fear and who I don’t - what I can tolerate and what I can’t; whatever I consider as ‘me’ and ‘not me’. Are these differences and divisions creating a conflict inside me about my actions and opinions?
Is the conflict we see in the external world a physical manifestation of all the conflicts within us?
As these questions bubbled up, I realised it would be a endless journey of exploration and understanding. In seeking a balance, I must first understand the divisiveness and disorder that is bringing about this imbalance. A journey that strangely was not taught to me during my years in school. Which is odd, because this is the only journey you’re taking in a sense. How can I learn about something which had been given no prior significance during my learning years? Surely, there have been many others before me who pondered over these ideas. Others who have left a trail of dialogue and interpretation of the same. But where do I begin? More importantly, how do I begin?
Something worried me while I pondered on these ideas - while the chaos within me lead to asking these questions, I feared I just be adding another tab in my mind if I didn’t go about answering them in a healthy manner. I was not interested in adding a list of existential expectations to my already pacing mind. My pacing mind. It came back to that. If only it didn’t pace as much, if only I felt some silence, If I could breathe a little easier, I might be able to give it an actual shot and observing what is going on. Silence of the mind, thats what I seek. How can I find this silence? And is there a path to balance through that silence?
ALICE (alice.in.blunderland) sits on her desk, somewhere in the middle of the rabbit hole, going up and down to bring back little bits of perspectives as and when the situation demands. Why Blunderland? Because Alice is aware that one person’s wonder may very well be another person’s blunder! So don’t take her adventures seriously if it’s not your cup of tea.